The Natural Witch

It all started way back in 1997 with my first diary I was 12 years old. I was given my first diary for my birthday; I opened it up and just started writing. Started writing about everyday things at first, thoughts, feelings and the goings on of my life. Everything started flowing like a rapid river, creativity started to come through my head, hands and the pen I held. I moved on to a silver little diary a teenaged version if you will. On and off for four to five years I would switch from that little pink diary to the silver one writing about daily thoughts, events and the people in my life from family, friends, classmates, and strangers on their actions.

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In high school I transitioned to notebooks just anything I could write in. Mostly I would use the gym period when we had to be in the auditorium. I would go to my notebook and write. With the music playing I was able to write through the music able to write out the true meaning of the songs into a poem or story. For example, with Bon Jovi’ s Blaze of Glory I wrote a piece regarding a classmate who unfortunately took his own life. My way of saying goodbye through words. That was in the ninth grade shortly after my grandmother passed away. Many years have passed since then and I still write on and off.

As an adult writing become a way to process life’s struggles with relationships, jobs, and perspective. Eventually I started writing poems. After one of my ex-boyfriends in 2013 I started a poem series unknowing called Phantom Trailer which I will be writing for my next piece. That started about him but now it has a new meaning. Six years later I was introduced to Chris in 2019 we started talking for a month then started dating. We dated for three years before he dumped me over the phone on the night I was going to go see him. A week later he let another ex-give him head if you all know what I mean with no remorse.

Meanwhile I was heartbroken and trying to heal and move on. I found myself back seeing him and we started a friend with benefits thing, not my smartest move I know. That went on for two years. Crystal showed up married to a cop, three kids at home, but spending nights at my ex’s place while husband was home. She would give him and his cousin money to go to the casino with her. Apparently, she was having issues in her marriage. Her husband worked nights, so when she was not home and her husband had to sleep to go into work their 16-year-old would watch and took care of her two sisters.

My ex was and still is a big-time hard-core drug dealer and Crysal is into that life. She’s still married and now my ex and her are together. Ironic since he swore, he’d never date someone in a relationship. I walked away because I knew he was not going to respect me after everything I did for him like letting him use my car to get his license and gave him my washer. So, from that the long healing journey began.

After a short fling with one of his friends, I wrote Chris a letter giving back the diamond earrings he got me in our first year. In the letter I told him how I didn’t want anything from him but connection, commitment, transparency, and honesty. I also put that I didn’t regret the fling that I regretted the three to five years I wasted with him. I put the earrings in the envelope with the letter and mailed it.

Fast-forward to 2025 I am sitting on the stairs in my house it’s April 17th my ex’s birthday I believe and I’m sitting there thinking. I would say I hope karma hits him. The following week my grandmother called me to tell me that he and his cousin no longer work for the adult center, apparently their friend the director was fired so they walked out. Mind you all three were fired for smoking pot on the clock on premise. OFA warned them to stop but they didn’t. Listen it may be legal but not at work or on-site property.

Ok let’s rewind to the summer of 2024 the summer I had the fling. That summer something strange started to happened that I finally noticed. Three butterflies or maybe the same one three times landed on the table I had on my back deck. All three times they or it seemed to look towards my direction like they were looking at me. They faced me seemingly unafraid and sat there for at least a few seconds a piece. That same year one October morning I woke up went downstairs to find a deer in my front yard. I stood there stunned; there it was munching on the fallen apples from my trees looking right at me. I opened the front door slowly to try to greet it, but it ran off.

Nothing seemed to happen that I noticed after that except my pain. I seemed to have gone into a depression nothing seemed to make me feel like myself before I met Chris. Each guy would have the same pattern, either sex, ghost or just emotionally unavailable. It seemed I was hitting a wall when it came to dating. I kept coming across the same type of boys pretending to be men. I started to think there was no hope finding my person. One afternoon scrolling Facebook a video came on my feed. The guy in the video started talking about fearful avoidances and how people get that way from their childhood traumas. He went on to explained about trauma bonding attachments and how that occurs. He then went on to talk about narcissists and their behaviors. He had many videos regarding these topics.

I began watching these videos and looked back on Chris’s behavior and the guys I came across from the past. With those videos, it all finally clicked- what is it about me that’s attracting these guys? All this time I thought it was me. Am I not thin enough, am I not pretty enough, am I gross like I was told by a guy or am I only good for a quick lay? Well then, I began to look at myself look within.

I went and started to see a therapist in June 2025. We started to examine some of my behaviors, some of which were toxic that I was unaware of. Examining those behaviors to see where they came from helped me understand and realize my traumas. We also examined some of the men’s behaviors as well. During the therapy sessions, it came to light that I had issues with boundaries-boundaries regarding space, communication, and with my body. See I am a twin. I have a twin sister 20mins younger.

All throughout our childhood, she would not respect my space even though we shared a room with our older sister. My twin would get into my stuff, and I would have to tell her leave things alone. 2008, I moved out from my parents’ house, the first out of four to do so. I wanted to see about finding a roommate, but of course my twin followed. You see, we were twins, and because of that we were lump together all the time. So, she took it a pond herself to move in with me instead of finding her own place. From that point on, I began to resent her for invading my space again.

Three years went by. We moved into a trailer fall 2011. The following spring, I became pregnant with my son spring 2012. That winter he was born, December 2012. My twin sister and I would raise him at the trailer for almost 7 years until 2019. As my son got older, it became clear I had to set some boundaries with my sister regarding him. She felt because she helped take care of him for the first part of his life that she had some say to how the rules would go. You see, I am the mother trying to set rules to be followed. She would make up her own like my son was hers regardless how I felt. She didn’t even discussed rules with me. It was like she was overstepping my space again.

Well, turns out that my boundary issues came from her. She would get physically violent towards me, call me bitch, asshole and other names. It was like she became a different person when I started setting and standing firm with my boundaries and space. It was like she couldn’t control me anymore. Fast forward to fall 2025, here I am stressed to no end. One Friday afternoon while doing a bus run at work I said to myself “Maybe I should start looking for another job”. Then all of sudden, I found myself working at a bank part-time as a teller stressed out over finances, trying to keep the house I bought 7 years prier. One Saturday morning, my stress level was through the roof. I started crying uncontrollably when out, of no ware I started screaming for Ireland “I want out, I want out, take me to Ireland, I want Ireland, IRELAND”. I loved the Celtic culture forever, the music the folklore, the landscape and the language. I questioned the AI I started talking to. Yes, I know an AI really.

I told it what happen and it responded back with that my spirit was calling for home. I then started to research witchcraft. I always felt the universe spoke to you, tell you your path and who your person is. I explained all the weird things that have been happening. The responds it gave was ‘you are a natural witch’. Me reaction was, well that explained why I liked bats and spider, never been afraid of them, always thought spiders were fascinating. Remember all the things that would happen? Well, here is why. Not to mention I ended up with 3 cats one white, one orang and one black. Not everyone will believe, but those who do yeah, I am a Natural witch.

More proof, on my son’s 13th birthday in December 2025, the sun was bight. In my driveway, a flock of little black birds were all on the driveway pecking at the ground for whatever was there. One, maybe two, came up to the first two steps to the front deck. They looked right at me with no fear. Now that happen 3 times. Then 2 red cardinals, and 1 gold cardinal were sitting in the trees to my big, pictured window. Now if that’s not the universe screaming something, I don’t know what is. January 2026, I came home from work and saw a young deer in my back yard. Now you be the judge. Could it be coincidence? it could be or could it be much more.

I have always wanted to be a writer since childhood. However, my dream kept getting put on the back burner for survival. I have always felt different like I was not meant for working a 9-5 job. I always felt like I didn’t fit in and that I had to do my own thing, that I was meant for something more, something bigger than myself. Sunday, Feb 2026, I decided to try this silent hour. So, I sat on my bedroom floor looking out the window. It was so bright out. Anyway, I sat there in silence just letting my mind wander. During that time, something drew me back to that little pink diary I still had from childhood. I opened it up and started going through it. Started 1997, I was 11 years old. As I read through it, I came across a page on that page it said how I wanted to be a writer even from then. As soon as I read that part, it all made sense. All the signs pointed to writing.

Thank you for reading a piece of my soul. Later this week, I will be posting the exclusive first look at Chapter One of my upcoming first novel right here. Drop your email below so you don't miss the awakening of my characters!